Full

"Full" is the word for these last days, and come to think of it, it is the word for these last four and a half years in Turkey.  As we are in our last three days here I can't help but remember when we came, all the goodbyes, all the unknowns waiting ahead.  Though the unknowns aren't as great as they were when we landed here and we have the excitement of all the wonderful hellos ahead of us, the process of packing and saying goodbye feels just as emotional as it did when we left our home, our family, our way of life over four years ago.  We are again leaving a home, a family made of friends and neighbors, and a way of life that has looked very different here.

So I think of the fullness of these years.  It will not be a season of life I look back upon that wonder to myself, what did I do those years?  In contrast I feel I have too many memories, emotions, friendships, and lessons that it will take me another four and a half years just to unpack it all.   By "fullness" I do not mean all ease or bliss or fun.  "Fullness" is the height of joy for the depth of sorrow, hope unveiled in the pit of despair, true friendships found in the face of loneliness, a deeper dependence on the Lord because of vulnerability.  For every success there has been a failure, for every season of strength and security, there has been a weariness we lived day in and day out.  For all of my doubt and little faith, the Lord's faithfulness has been nothing short of abundant.   And as I'm feeling the fullness of goodbyes right now I can't help but realize they came to be because of a fullness of hellos along the way. In that way I'm grateful for the hardness of leaving because to feel loss is to have loved.  We have been so blessed these last years.